Recently I have noticed that lots of clients have been feeling challenged regarding communicating about issues between each other as couples. The number one thing that is important in this area is that you have the attitude of the Beatles song, “we can work it out”. Once that is firmly in place, you can then think about a model for how you will work issues out in your relationship. Some important thoughts are these. Share your beliefs about the issue with each other and share your vision about how it might be resolved. Listen, using your empathetic skills, letting your partner know that they have been understood. Do not add your comments (except for empathy) while they are sharing their vision. Share why you want to resolve this issue in your relationship – why is it important? Then brainstorm solutions. And lastly, share with each other how you might need to grow personally in order to make this vision happen.
As a coach and a therapist, I am a firm believer in finding outside information, when you get stuck, to add to what you already know. For instance, how have others dealt with this situation? What is the latest research around this issue? The world is changing rapidly and discoveries are being made daily. Our task is to find people who are on the cutting edge of our issue. Remember that we can easily get stuck in a box, sometimes from past experience and sometimes from ignorance. It is important to understand our issue in a bigger way so that we can have lots of solutions when we come to the final brainstorm part of the issue.
Have fun when you are dealing with issues together. Add humour where you can. And not only believe – we can work it out, but also choose to believe that every challenge creates an opportunity to grow.
Go Forth and Be Wonderful!
