starting again in 2014 Posts

Christmas is over and you are now likely looking at some goals for the year. You may have made and broken some New Years Resolutions already. Yikes! It is true that for most people, New Years Resolutions don’t have any staying power. An alternative way to mark the fact that we would like to have a new start in 2014 and to mark our growth is to have a 3 month project rather then a resolution for the year. Because a great relationship is our theme for this blog, having a 3 month project for your relationship is a great idea. What is it that you need to be or do differently that would make a big difference in your lives together? We often know exactly what that something is, but if not, ask your partner what he or she believes would make the biggest difference in your lives, if you worked on it for the next 3 months. Then together see what you could work on as a team in order to improve your relationship for the better this year. After you have set these goals for the next 3 months, imagine how you each could sabotage your goals over the next 3 months and what you might do about helping that not to happen? How can you support each other in your goals? Ask for what you might need. And depending on the level of the security in your attachment together, you may also help to keep each other accountable. There is one more part of goal setting that turns out to be very important. That is to change the goal from a good idea or wish to an understanding of the meaning of the goal and why you would work hard at making the goal happen. The way you do this is to separately write down why you would carry out these goals – what does it mean to you? How would you be different in your relationship and how would your relationship be different then it is now? And what would that mean to you? Once you have had some thinking time and have a good picture of that, share this with each other. Write your goals down and the why beside it. The writing down is an important step in the process. Find a place to post this that will remind you what you are trying to achieve. Checking in with each other in order to support each other in your goals is a great way to make a connection with each other. Don’t offer advice unless asked but do give support for what your partner is trying to achieve. Go forth and be wonderful in 2014!