relationship effort Posts

At this time of the year, when I assign homework in my private practice with couples, they will sometimes say, we did not have time to even connect with each other. For those of you who are saying that to yourselves and putting everything wonderful about the season ahead of your marriage, listen up. I love to bring you great research regarding how to have a healthy relationship. However, sometimes it is profitable to look at other research to find out some secrets of greatness. In the late 1990’s there was an extensive review of people who where experts in sports, music, chess and visual arts (among others) to find out what separated these greats from others. It turns out that daily deliberate practice spanning a minimum of 10 years, even 20 years was a better predictor of world class greatness in their field then anything genetic like intelligence or even talent. It really was sustained hard work over many years that brought about the distinction of greatness. When thinking of marriage, it is not your family of origin that needs to predict your greatness in marriage – find out some good information and use sustained effort. For you who are discouraged, get back to the long-term effort that a great marriage takes – practice, practice practice. Go forth and be wonderful – I am cheering you on!