new relationship skills Posts

I have had lots of clients just recently struggling with their relationships because of past hurts and issues. They may be living in the shadow of their childhood injuries or a separation or divorce. It is so present for them that they can easily recite chapter and verse of their injuries as they come to see me. It is hard to have a vision of your life that is clear when it is packed with past baggage. It is also hard to access our own part in our present lives when we are focused on our partner’s injuries towards us. It is particularly difficult when there is a second marriage, for instance, and there are children that each have. When I was in university I was part of a huge research project for this particular group of people. We were looking at the issues they had a hard time with and the effect on their stress levels and health. It was not good news. Differences around kids that are not our own yet we live with them, are so close to our heart and can easily become issues that separate us and become a part of the baggage in the relationship. People will also get stuck in their childhood wounds that they carry into adulthood. This can be challenging when you still have relationship with your parents and they trigger you to your past with their continuing behaviour. However, there comes a time when it is important to empty our filled knapsack that we are carrying around on our backs and pick up a great piece of new luggage and pack it up with new skills and new choices for positive emotions.We get to choose our emotions and to effect our emotions towards the positive. Many adults still haven’t worked that out. They focus on their circumstance and how bad they are and were. They listen to the news and get more proof of how bad life is. They listen to the group opinion on social media and gain more proof of how bad life is. How might you change this? First make the decision you would like to live without your baggage. You make up your mind to choose some great luggage to travel with into the future. Next you do all the things I have talked to you about before. You make a choice in the morning to look for things to be grateful for. You make a choice to bring good into your world today (can be something small like letting people in for a lane change in the traffic). You choose to bring joy into your life and into the lives of those you love (you generate this joy by your thoughts). You choose to be accountable to yourself as you review your day each night for these things. These three ideas belong in that new luggage. Best wishes for a life of new fullness!