In our relationships, we sometimes see a door before us that we somehow know we need to walk through but we can’t seem to do it. It may be attractive to us like the one in this picture but we resist doing the walking through. Let me give you some examples that will help you to understand.
For instance, when we hear ourselves being immediately defensive when our partner is trying to tell us something that is negative. We know inside we are being unreasonably reactive but we don’t change our patterns, taking things seriously and learning a new way.
We know we need to work on some form of emotional management to conquer our anxiety that negatively impacts the relationship but we let it slide or normalize it. We have reasons for our anxiety that are from our past. We don’t conquer our feelings. We feed them.
We feel sluggish and unfit and our partner gives us hints to get healthier but we put it off. It’s not time, its too hard.
We know we are increasingly thinking and choosing in “I” terms instead of “we” terms with our partner – we may even feel guilty but we continue to do the same thing. We feel the distance we are creating but we don’t do anythng about it.
We find ourselves turning away from our partner instead of turning towards them, correcting, fixing and being negative to his/her new ideas. We know we are squashing their spirit but we continue.
We know we have an anger issue that creates insecurity in the relationship but we continue to justify our challenges. It is about justice, it is righteous anger.
We are behaving like roommates in our relationship. We rarely make love. I wait for a signal and don’t take responsibility for engagement. We become more disconnected.
We rarely look at the cost in lost opportunity to feel great and congruent within ourselves when we continue in a pattern that is less then ideal. The possibility of a loving connection that we truly long for when we do not let go of our self protection and walk through the door is lost to us. We are often steadfastly clinging to our old behaviors without examination or thoughts of change. Sometimes these patterns come from deep within our past and feel so automatic. This does not mean that we cannot move that default position we have been practicing. The first step in the practice of courage is to make the decision to make a change. Then ask your partner how it might make a difference in the relationship if you made a change in an area you feel like you need to. Don’t waste an awesome day! Consider starting today! Go forth and be wonderful!
