I was reminded of the Christian religious model of extravagant love that Easter represents and realizing how short we fall of that model in many cases. Although we are connecting beings, family gatherings at Easter can be difficult for many, as families come in many shapes and sizes, and can be difficult to navigate in love. Kids are often excited and consequently sleep deprived and couples are sometimes not on the same side about relatives. Yet we keep hoping and even expecting that our time together will be different this year. In the book “The Intentional Family”, William Doherty talks about minimizing the risks of breakdowns in relationships over the holidays by planning for what people can handle ahead of time. Give people time to plan for the event. If there is someone who is emotionally disconnected at this time, invite them to the family event anyway. Let everyone know who is being invited and they will make their own choices accordingly. If there are challenges with alcohol in the family, perhaps you can have an Easter brunch. Perhaps the family will do better with an outdoor event rather then an indoor event. Perhaps a good meal in a restaurant is just about all you can handle together. Choose times that have the potential for creating a good memory together.
Talk about the challenges in the family together as a couple in a non blaming kind of way. Family may be an enduring vulnerability in your relationship together. It is important to be gentle when talking about the failure of family members and how you might need to accommodate for family members in order to have a successful celebration together. Remember that your family is biologically attached to you and that attachment in important, even if your family members have difficulty in getting along with each other. Attacking family members in your conversations is difficult for your partner to hear even though there is some recognition of the “truth” of what you are saying. Don’t allow your family to get in the way of your team together by the way you try to resolve these holiday issues.
