Take time to be in the moment of the spiritual aspects of Christmas/ Hanukkah. What does the season mean to you? Start to articulate that for yourself. Some people complain that Christmas is just a commercial venture and then they behave like scrooge instead of taking the opportunity to make the season meaningful. Our culture sets you up to help with that by having days off which give the opportunity to connect and relate in love. Sit down together with your partner for a couple of hours, inside the house or around the tree, or outside of your home in a coffee shop. Let each other know what is great about the season for you and why? Open the conversation to “God talk” or “higher power” or ?. Christmas, like love and marriage are spiritual themes. As people age, they often change their beliefs and become open to the spiritual aspects of life. Although you may not be on the same page, adopt an attitude of curiosity and openness to know where your partner is in this. Talk about how you will find ways to make room for the spiritual this season, for each other.
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Predictor of Greatness – Makes Sense for Marriage too!
At this time of the year, when I assign homework in my private practice with couples, they will sometimes say, we did not have time to even connect with each other. For those of you who are saying that to yourselves and putting everything wonderful about the season ahead of your marriage, listen up. I love to bring you great research regarding how to have a healthy relationship. However, sometimes it is profitable to look at other research to find out some secrets of greatness. In the late 1990’s there was an extensive review of people who where experts in sports, music, chess and visual arts (among others) to find out what separated these greats from others. It turns out that daily deliberate practice spanning a minimum of 10 years, even 20 years was a better predictor of world class greatness in their field then anything genetic like intelligence or even talent. It really was sustained hard work over many years that brought about the distinction of greatness. When thinking of marriage, it is not your family of origin that needs to predict your greatness in marriage – find out some good information and use sustained effort. For you who are discouraged, get back to the long-term effort that a great marriage takes – practice, practice practice. Go forth and be wonderful – I am cheering you on!
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