What are the Five Love Languages? This is a quick summary of the book, The 5 Languages of Love, by Gary Chapman. The information in this book is important to everyone who loves and from my perspective, the book needs to be purchased and put on your bookshelf to reread over time. It is a simple read and a skinny book, which works well for busy couples. I cannot recommend it enough.
Dr. Chapman explains how important it is for couples to understand how they each both give and receive love. I have found that couples have come to my office who actually love each other but one or the others “feels” unloved. Dr. Chapman’s research showed that this occurs when couples are missing the mark with each others language of love. They do not think the same or feel the same about giving and receiving love. One part of the couple might be quite astounded at the information that their partner feels unloved, believing that they have been doing this and doing that consistently in the name of love. Unfortunately, although their partner likely felt appreciation, they did not feel loved by these actions. You can see that knowing your partner’s language of love is important information to be able to love your partner well and have a solid foundation for the partnership to go forward and to keep each other’s “love tank” filled.
The Book Describes the Following Five Love Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
If this is your primary love language, you feel well loved when your partner uses words of affirmation, love, and appreciation consistently in your relationship.
2. Acts of Service
If this is your primary love language, you feel well loved when your partner takes the time and effort to do something for you. Whatever your regular role is in the relationship does not count in the same way. So if your partner normally cooks and you normally clean the kitchen and dishes, that is not it. But if you offer to watch the kids while your partner goes to the gym or you fill up the gas in your partner’s car or other acts that are not part of your role, that feels like love to you.
3. Affection
If this is your primary love language, you feel well loved when your partner uses affectionate touching on a consistent basis. Snuggling on the couch, Holding hands and connecting in every way physically reassures you that you are loved.
4. Quality Time
If this is your primary love language, you feel most loved when you are spending time together, connecting. Your partner is fully present and engaged with you in whatever activity you are sharing, no matter how trivial. This confirms your connection and you feel especially loved.
5. Gifts
If this is your primary love language, you feel most loved when your partner gives you a gift. It is not about the size of the gift. It could be as simple as a card or your favorite chocolate bar. The meaning is that while you were away from me, you were thinking of me and that makes me feel especially loved.
It is important that if you do not have the book edition that has the test within it, that you go online and take the test at www.5lovelanguages.com/profile. It is sometimes hard for us to decipher our partner’s language of love as well as our own and so this assessment is helpful. Remember that we often appreciate all the gestures of love but we will often have a primary language with a secondary language that goes straight to our heart and says, “you are loved”. Remember too that your partner’s language of love might be quite foreign to your language of love and you may need to program your phone to remember to use that language of love until it becomes a habit.
If your relationship is in trouble, this information is one of the most important pieces of information to help repair the relationship and restore the security of the love relationship. It also helps a relationship that is pretty good to become great. Get the book, read it and apply it in all kinds of places in your life. But in the meantime, you can start to practice being a great lover with the brief information offered here. Go Forth and BE Wonderful!
