forgiveness Posts

04Dec
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Gift suggestions

In my family we are looking at gift lists for Christmas 2018. I just got one today. You might look at this list of meaningful gifts that will open your heart to being a better partner!

Christmas Gift suggestions:

To your Partner: renewed commitment to love well.    
To a Child: Good modelling
To a Friend – your heart
To your Enemy – forgiveness
To God – gratitude
To Yourself- respect

Today’s Challenge:

How can you show a renewed commitment to loving your partner? What actions will show this? How will you feel differently because of these actions?

How can you be a good example this day for your child or another (Teach, have more patience, be a good model, love well)? How will you feel after taking action?

How can you show your heart in words or actions to a friend (send a supportive text, buy a small gift that says you were thinking of them – take some time to connect with where they are in their life)? How will you feel after taking these actions?

Who do you need to forgive and let go of the baggage of 2018 as we move into 2019? Look at a previous blog about forgiveness and how to let go well. How will you feel when you have forgiven?

How can you put the habit of gratitude in your life in 2018 and moving forward into 2019? How do you feel when you are grateful?

How can you respect yourself (self care, more sleep time, meeting your goals…). How will you make the change in your calendar to do this self care? How will you feel when you do this?

Enjoy this exercise. Go forth and be wonderful!

Posted by Lynda in Healthier Marriages, How to Love Well and tagged with , , , , ,
28Oct
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Letting Go

“I think of the trees and how simply they let go…” Hafiz
One of the challenges of relationships is the necessity of being quick to forgive. Some of us have more difficulty with this then others. It is sometimes helpful to notice what our beliefs are about others and ourselves in this regard. Do we believe that humans make mistakes, are sometimes thoughtless or do we believe that people should be more perfect? Do we believe that we deserve to always be treated as we want to be treated? These different beliefs will cause us to have different reactions inside. Other tendencies such as taking things personally when others are reacting can cause us to feel more offended then others. This means that a comment made in passing by someone is taken as meant for us and we feel hurt, offended and angered. Our pack sack begins to get bigger and we become more embittered and less free to respond with our best self.
Related to this, I often meet clients who are unable to trust people. It is often because of past hurts they feel unable to let go of. They feel a sense of betrayal by others. Their memories that they often rehearse are emotionally loaded.
They They continue to suffer even though these events occurred many years ago. Again, a reminder that what we focus on gets amplified. When we focus on our negative experiences in order to confirm our negative beliefs about people it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I like the book, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. It challenges us to do as Hafiz suggests and to simply let go. We often do not think about the consequences of dwelling on slights and the suffering it causes us, not the other person. I am not talking about the “big stuff” here like traumatic events. I am talking about all the human experiences we go through that we could let go of, if we made that choice. Examine your beliefs- could they do with an update? Sometimes they come from our childhood of origin and are no longer useful to the way we want to live and be in the world today. Let go – make room for more joy! Journal your way through this.

 

Posted by Lynda in Healthier Marriages and tagged with , ,
03Feb
Off

Forgiveness and Letting Go

“I think of the trees and how simply they let go…” Hafiz
One of the challenges of relationships is the necessity of being quick to forgive. Some of us have more difficulty with this then others. It is sometimes helpful to notice what our beliefs are about others and ourselves in this regard. Do we believe that humans make mistakes, are sometimes thoughtless or do we believe that people should be more perfect? Do we believe that we deserve to always be treated as we want to be treated? Do we believe that others should behave by our code and share our values? These different beliefs will cause us to have different reactions inside. Other tendencies, such as taking things personally, can cause us to feel more offended then others. This means that a comment made in passing by someone is taken as meant for us and we feel hurt, offended and angered. Our pack sack begins to get bigger and we become more embittered and less free to respond with our best self.
Related to this, I often meet clients who are unable to trust people. It is often because of past hurts that they feel unable to let go of. They feel a sense of betrayal by others. Their memories that they often rehearse are emotionally loaded. They continue to suffer, even though these events occurred many years ago. Again a reminder that what we focus on gets amplified in our thoughts. When we focus on our negative experiences in order to confirm our negative beliefs about people it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and we experience the negative in people in our lives. I like the book, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. It challenges us to do as Hafiz suggests, and to simply let go of our in the moment stuff as well as our past stuff. We do not think about the consequences of dwelling on slights and the suffering it causes us, not the other person. I am not talking about the “big stuff” here like traumatic events. I am talking about all the human experiences we go through that we could let go of, if we made that choice. Examine your beliefs – could they do with an update? Sometimes they come from our childhood of origin and are no longer useful to the way we want to live and be in the world today. Change this and make room for joy! Journal your way through this.

 

Posted by Lynda in Healthier Marriages, How To Make Your Relationship Work and tagged with , , ,
04Dec
Off

Endings…Freeing Yourself Emotionally, Add Health to Your Relationship

As we near the end of the year what have you left undone?

Finishing things leaves you freer emotionally. And who doesn’t need emotional energy to manage our lives these days. Some things can be finished, not just by doing the activity to completion but by re-evaluating whether it needs to be finished. Not finishing is not necessarily failure but smart when you have re-evaluated and need to use your energies for more relevant pursuits now. We not only have activities or goals from ‘to do’ lists but also emotional goals as well. Some emotional loose ends need to be forgiven and let go. Make a list of things you are still hanging on to and spend some time resolving these right now. Provided that you have had some understanding on both sides what the issues have been, decide that you will no longer bring them up in the new year. Forgiveness is a head decision and through decision and practice, you can be free of your old baggage (if this seems like an outrageous idea, you may need some help in counselling to make this happen for yourself). You can bring health to your relationship communication in the new year – just by this one idea that you decide to put into practice. You can start with a new slate and not carry your emotional baggage into the next year. Go forth and be wonderful. Cheering you on!

Posted by Lynda in Healthier Marriages and tagged with , , ,

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