If you find that you are stuck in the past in your relationship, where anything your partner does reminds you of a past hurt, this blog might be helpful to you. Other then resolution and forgiveness which we have visited before on this blog, you can also take some action towards beauty in your relationship. If you continue to live in the brokenness of the relationship, it becomes difficult for you to move through the past. As a way to protest the brokenness and renew your relationship, focus on creating beauty each and every day. Every reader will have their own way of creating beauty in the relationship. Don’t make it dependent on your partner – this is something you can do for your own well being. However, if you both want to make this a team effort, it would go a long way to firm your attachment to each other in a positive way. You are making beautiful memories that you can also choose to go back to. Your brain loves it when you focus on beauty. Today I awoke to a beautiful sunrise and recognized the feeling of awe and expansiveness. I still carry that with me as I write this. Enjoy your journey of beauty as you move through your relationship.
Healthier Marriages – Lynda Chalmers
Will You have Courage in your Relationship this Year?
This year consider using more courage in your life and partnership relationship. Become more open in your relationship, more vulnerable. In letting go of your self protection, might you get hurt? Oh yes. In openness, the light also shines in. You are open to experiencing anew and learning about how your partner is thinking. In this vulnerability, you will be helped with acceptance. When you are unable to be courageous, you will often find yourself being closed and rigid – do you recognize that in yourself? In your courageous openness you can afford to be curious about this person that you are committed to instead of having them in a closed box where they cannot grow and be their best with you. In your courageous openness, there is room for your partner to come in to you, to come towards the relationship. You create more safety in your courageous openness. You will often become more lovable to your partner in your openness and vulnerability. So much – yet still the risk of hurt. Can you use what courage you have and make the leap, make the shift? Go forth and be wonderful today!
How to Cross the Great Divide in Relationships
Sometimes couples who see me are so very far apart and they have no idea how to cross this great divide. How can we even hold hands or touch or hug again? they say. The road back can have its initial bumps but it smooths out pretty quickly. Healthy touch is important to human beings, after all! Begin with a commitment on your part to persevere in your behaviour towards a more loving relationship and a conversation where you let your partner know that YOU would like to try and change towards a more loving relationship. Starting points are then often about your partner’s language of love (Chapman, 5 Languages of Love). What gestures touch your partner’s heart the most? Begin there. Allow yourself to fail and fumble as you make the changes necessary to meet the deep desires of your heart. Remember that feelings are great followers of actions and thoughts. Make sure that you are focussing on your commitment and love for your partner as you move towards each other because as I often remind you, where you focus gets amplified. Go forth and be wonderful this day!
Your Words for the Year 2013
More about the new year… I have been doing some business planning and one of the exercises that was required was to look for a word or words that might represent what I want for the new year. Sometimes you will need to be thoughtful about the chosen word and sometimes in a series of circumstances as you look over the past year, the word seems to choose you. As a couple, this can also be a great exercise. Look for a wild word, one that will move you as a couple beyond your boundaries and expectations and will call you to a place of energy and passion together, to a relationship that keeps you growing in love. Or you might come up with a word separately and see how the words fit together. You might find that you make a delicious peanut butter cup together with some yummy chocolate on the outside and some yummy peanut butter in the centre. Write a paragraph that combines the words, see the strengths in that and let that be at least a part of your vision for the future of the new year.
Happier New Year – Healthier Attitudes in Relationship
Wishing all of my loyal community a Happy New Year! I trust that you are filled with hope and expectations for your relationship in the year 2013. Looking at becoming a great partner means looking at your general attitudes about life. Are you generally optimistic about your life? We are not talking about the state of the world or other parts of life that we cannot necessarily influence or control at this moment but all of our life that we have been given influence and choice over. That includes our attitude every day. You influence your partner’s biology for good or for bad when you walk together in your home, and in all your life journey together. Remember that marriages that are working well are having 5 positive transactions compared to 1 negative transaction and those who are heading for the divorce court are the opposite (Gottman). I encourage you to welcome this new year, expecting it to be full of things that you have never lived before. Be open to what might be coming in its shiny moments and in its challenges. Imagine yourself as a couple, living the year as a great team. Make small incremental changes in your move from a negative attitude to a positive attitude. Enjoy the energy that results from a positive attitude. It is one of the things in life that you actually can control – make good use of that choice. Go forth in 2013 and be wonderful!
Couple Care and Self Care for the Season
Take some moments each day together. Light a scented candle, and give a small gift to each other of a foot massage, a back rub, or a face to face listen of how things are going. Let the other sleep in, take a chore off their list. Have a glass of wine, an eggnog, or a cup of christmas tea, each of which acknowledges the specialness of the season. Take the time to acknowledge the specialness of each other and you as a couple. Watch out for the joy that the little things bring in this season. Appreciate what brings your partner joy and is important to them in the season. Be glad with them, even though you may not share the same things that bring him or her joy. Take note of what you want to remember as special for this season. Go forth and be wonderful – I am cheering you on!
New Traditions Can Create New Levels of Happiness in Relationships
This is a great day to set up a new tradition of gratitude in this season. Every day of the season, name something that you are grateful for that happened this year. Some of the time, focus on the couple relationship or your partner in your gratitude. Decide together to do some things for others that affirms your own multiple blessings this year. When you are grocery shopping (my cart is usually very full when buying family Christmas meals, an indication of lots of blessings), buy an extra something and put it in the food boxes that take collections at this time of the year. Put a quarter in the parking meter to help out the next person. When you get a coffee, think of someone else who might like one. Leave muffins for the custodians who clean your office. Look at how some little things, done from the heart might really cheer your mate. For instance, fill their car with gas, vacuum their car out for the season, make their favourite meal. You will be surprised at the change in your own mood and the climate of your day and relationships. I know people who do this on a regular bases and just thinking about them right now brings a smile to my face. These activities must be done with an open heart and come from the knowledge of the fullness of life you have experienced over the year. Try this, even if it is just around the dinner table. Go forth and be wonderful – I am cheering you on!
The Spiritual Aspects of the Season
Take time to be in the moment of the spiritual aspects of Christmas/ Hanukkah. What does the season mean to you? Start to articulate that for yourself. Some people complain that Christmas is just a commercial venture and then they behave like scrooge instead of taking the opportunity to make the season meaningful. Our culture sets you up to help with that by having days off which give the opportunity to connect and relate in love. Sit down together with your partner for a couple of hours, inside the house or around the tree, or outside of your home in a coffee shop. Let each other know what is great about the season for you and why? Open the conversation to “God talk” or “higher power” or ?. Christmas, like love and marriage are spiritual themes. As people age, they often change their beliefs and become open to the spiritual aspects of life. Although you may not be on the same page, adopt an attitude of curiosity and openness to know where your partner is in this. Talk about how you will find ways to make room for the spiritual this season, for each other.
The Importance of Marriage and Family Traditions
It turns out that keeping up your traditions is an important part of family and personal mental health. The research shows over and over that traditions are statistically linked to family strengths and family satisfaction. Family traditions help to span and unite generations. They have the byproduct of families gaining greater feelings of closeness, belonging and connections. Family traditions help to preserve the family story. Strong families tend to create even more traditions. Traditions are helpful when things are not going well and when there are things to celebrate. They form a sense of security. When things are not going well (I have lost my job, for instance) the stability of traditions create a place of security and say that not everything is going wrong, I still have my family. It is good to remember all these qualities of resilience that grow from family traditions. When you think about how you react to Christmas family traditions, and the many benefits of family traditions, have you been valuing your family traditions the way you would want to? Your family traditions and your response to them need to reflect where your heart is.go forth and be wonderful – I am cheering you on!
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